I saw the following in the status message of someone I know and while most of it is stuff I could ignore, one line caught my eye and annoyed me enough to post about it. Specifically I am talking about “When a Woman stops getting jealous or No longer asks about the other women in your life”. A person can have friends of the opposite gender as friends and I refuse to accept that you are showing your love/affection/care by being the person who questions every other woman in the person’s life.
![](https://www.suramya.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/Screenshot_20240629_164917_WhatsApp.jpg)
If you think that the only way to show your love to your partner is to be jealous of their other friends and controlling who gets to be in their life then I am sorry, you don’t have a loving relationship, what you have is an abusive relationship where you are trying to control who the other person can talk to / meet with because you are a deeply insecure person.
Jani and I deeply love each other and I can’t recall a single instance of either of us questioning the other about their friends or women/men in our lives. We have never questioned each other about who the other person is hanging out with and what they are doing when out. Most of the times we meet folks together but there have been times when we meet people without the other person present and the most we ask the other person is “what time are you planning to be back home?” by. I have had friends crash at my place when Jani wasn’t around and it was a non-event in our life, the same way it was when she has had people crash here when I was traveling without me questioning her about it. We are together because we trust each other not because we are controlling the other person. If the only reason your partner doesn’t cheat on you is because you are controlling the people in their life then you are deluding yourself and you should reevaluate your relationship with the person.
When you question the other person about the people in their life you are not showing your love, you are showing that you don’t trust them. Which as you can imagine is not a good way to build a relationship. The following (or variations of it) keep showing up as ‘jokes’ online and personally I feel sorry for people who are so deeply insecure that they can’t trust their partner to be faithful. If that is the case then why are you still with them? It would be better to leave them and be with someone with who you can be your authentic self without worrying about the other person flipping out just because you happened to meet a friend for a coffee or a drink.
![I rather trust a car with no brakes than 'he is just a friend'](https://www.suramya.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/Things_I_Trust_More.jpg)
I rather trust a car with no brakes than ‘he is just a friend’
One other explanation for this behavior is that they are projecting what they would do in a similar scenario and thus are suspicious and jealous. Basically they know how they would act and are expecting everyone else also to behave the same way. I see this in a lot of couples and when I can I do try to advise them that this kind of behavior only pushes the other person away.
Obviously I don’t mean that you ignore obvious signs that the person is cheating. If you think that the person is cheating you should check and verify that because in some of the cases, the person is actually cheating on you. In which case you need to decide if you are ok with it or you rather get out of it. Personally I would choose the second option but in either case being jealous and controlling is not the right reaction. What you shouldn’t do is be jealous of every single person in their life just because you think that shows your love towards them.
– Suramya