Suramya's Blog : Welcome to my crazy life…

There is a ongoing thread on Twitter where someone is complaining that the girls who were ignoring this person in the 80’s because they liked comics and ‘geeky stuff’ now love guys who are into the same thing in 2022. (See the comic below). The idea being that girls are mean and only chase whatever is ‘cool’ at the time.

Girls didn’t like me because I was a Geek

This is of course absolute nonsense and multiple girls responded stating the same. One memorable response by dan-hell badford stated:

I have seen this behavior first hand in multiple communities. As soon as a girl (or anyone who is not a white male) tells that they are a fan of a particular comic/art/tv show etc almost immediately the response is “Prove it”. Once we had gone to Comic Con and a friend of mine was wearing a T-Shirt with an image & quote on it from one of the famous series and this random guy came up to us and started a conversation with a statement that went something like (it was a few years ago) “you are wearing this t-shirt but I can bet you know nothing about the series. If that is not the case then you should prove it by answering this question”. My friend basically told them to get lost. They were a fan and they didn’t need anyone’s approval or permission to be one. Others have comeback with similar idiotic takes. There is one post on twitter where this person basically states that only non-pretty/non-handsome people became geeks because they were outcasts and pretty people became popular. (I wish I had taken a screenshot but I didn’t and now can’t find it).

This is basic gatekeeping and part of the reason why I am not part of any Fandom. I am nerdy, I love comics, books, tech and techy topics and if you give me the chance and show interest I will talk your ear off talking about the latest tech-advances or a new TV show I have been watching. The more I like something the more I would want to introduce others to it. Unfortunately, these gatekeepers seem to think that the only way to be ‘a true fan’ is to adhere to their definition of a true fan, which is basically be a carbon copy of their thought process. To give you an idea of how these nincompoops think, check out this post that claims that all sub-cultures are dead because “that as soon as subcultures start getting really interesting, they get invaded by muggles, who ruin them.

This guy, seems to think that all cool things follow the following life flow:

• Something is invented/created by the scene
• Fanatics become aware of it and they contribute energy (time, money, adulation, organization, analysis) to support the creators.
• Members of Public (MOPs) become aware of it and make it popular
• Someone (‘Sociopaths’) work out how to monetize mops and fanatics get pushed out
• Due to this the ‘cool’ dies.

Apparently you are only allowed to like something if you willing to be obsessed by it. Meaning that you need to spend all your waking time talking about just one thing. Thanks but no thanks. I love a lot of things in life and have better things to do than to obsess over one single topic for the rest of my life. Read the entire post if you want to be infuriated. My favorite part was: Mops relate to each other in “normal” ways, like people do on TV, which the fanatics find repellent. During intermission, geeks want to talk about the New Thing, but mops blather about sportsball and celebrities. Also, the mops also seem increasingly entitled, treating the fanatics as service workers. . Treating people with courtesy and talking about other things in the world doesn’t make you repellent, it makes you a normal human being.

These fans define their whole identity by their obsession with a particular show/comic/game/movie etc so any change or disinterest by others is taken as a personal attack. Another aspect is that they are not willing to understand that people dislike them not because they like xyz but because they are actively obnoxious. I remember one instance from college where there was this one guy in our class who was obnoxious in the extreme, would be rude to others and refuse to engage in common courtesies etc so I (along with most of the people) would actively avoid them as much as possible. One day I was cornered by them and they commented that “You don’t like me and don’t want to be my friend because I am Muslim”. So I responded that “I don’t avoid you because you are Muslim, I avoid you because you are an obnoxious ass”. They were shocked because they had created this mental image that ignored their behavior and blamed others for not liking them because they were Muslim (this was a few years after 9/11). These ‘nerds/fans’ are the same way. They can’t process the fact that people don’t like them because of their behavior so they create this fantasy that they are an outcast and not liked because they are Geeky/Nerdy.

This happens not just in Tech, Comics or Gaming but in every single art form or hobby. A little while ago a song by Metallica was featured in Stranger Things, this introduced a whole new generation of people to the band and their popularity/downloads spiked. Then some idiot posted a message stating “I’m Sorry Metallica for all the fake stranger things fans love ya”. The group immediately hit back stating “Don’t be sorry. Everyone is welcome in the Metallica Family. If they like Puppets, chances are they’ll find plenty of other songs to get into.”

It is worse for girls as they are constantly being asked to prove they are ‘worthy’ of being a fan. If you look at the comments to the first Tweet I linked to, the responses show how badly they were treated when they just wanted to be part of the fandom. I sometimes wonder what we could have achieved if all the stupid gatekeepers were no longer there and more people could be an active part of the fandom.

As John Scalzy put it Who Gets To Be a Geek? Anyone Who Wants to Be. There are so many interesting things out there, we should share them with others so that they can take joy in it as well. I wouldn’t have known about Babylon 5 if a random person in a book store hadn’t sat with me and told me about it because they saw that I liked Star Trek and recommended it to me. Similarly others have recommended stuff to me that I loved and some stuff that I hated but that doesn’t make it bad, it makes it different. Keep in mind that no one was born being an expert on something; every single person started off as a newbie at some point in time.

This gatekeeping is ridiculous as I want more people to like the stuff I like and its ok even if they like it and like something else. Because remember, variety is the spice of life. I don’t want to be reading/watching endless remakes/rewatches of the same trope/show, there are enough new stories to read and topics to learn about.

Or to put it another way, get a life. I/we don’t need your approval to be a fan of something.

– Suramya

Over the past few months there have been constant whining by a certain group of people who think they get to decide what should be shown on TV and anything that keeping with their view of what is right is ‘Woke’ and should be removed from TV and never shown to anyone. Never mind that they are a minority and almost everyone else likes the changes. These folks have been trying to stream roll Lord of the Rings: The rings of Power, Sandman (The Netflix show), She-Hulk and a bunch of other shows that dared to show non-white/non-male people in major roles.

This is the same nonsense they pulled with Star Wars, Ghostbusters amongst others, unfortunately it did work for the most part for in those instances as the studio rolled back some of the major changed. Thankfully, this time people have wised up to this tactic and with show runners like Neil Gaiman there is a snow-balls chance in hell that they will be listened to. In any case, in this post I just wanted to talk about some of the shows I have been watching and thoughts on them (Used to do this quite often in the early years of the blog but haven’t in a while):

Lord of the Rings: The rings of Power

I am not a fan of the LOTR, the movies were ok but nothing that I would go back and watch again and the books were painfully verbose. I don’t enjoy reading a multi-page description of a walk from one place to another along with a description of what they ate on the way and I still haven’t finished the 3rd book (don’t plan to either). But, the Rings of Power is a fantastic show and the cinematography is awesome. The show is enjoyable and has a consistent storyline that makes sense even to someone who doesn’t know the details of how the story ends in the future. There has been a lot of grumbling/whining about black people having a prominent role but they can suck it up. The characters are likable, believable and most of the time the decisions they make make sense. Which is not always the case in such stories as sometimes the decisions are made to further the story and that gets annoying. Looking forward to the season finale and the next 4 seasons of the show.

Sandman

I have not read the comics and will rectify that as soon as I finish watching the show (currently at episode 7 of 10). What a fantastic world and I love how it has been brought to life. The Lucifer TV show was a spin off from the Sandman comics so I was aware of them but never got around to reading the comics. One complaint a lot of people had was that they should have asked Tom Ellis and Lesley-Ann Brandt reprise their roles as Lucifer and Mazikeen in the show. I felt the same way initially but after I watched the episode I have changed my mind. Tom Ellis is a fantastic actor and his take on Lucifer is awesome but it wouldn’t have worked in Sandman as the tone mismatch between his take and the rest of the show would have been painful. Gwendoline Christie’s take was sublime and I loved it.

Can’t wait to see how the season ends so no spoilers please.

She-Hulk

Lots of crybabies have been complaining about the show and while it is not super brainy and serious it is a fun watch. You just need relax and enjoy the casual fun. They do tackle some serious themes that might not be obvious immediately such as the toxic comments and fandom. They have taken actual comments posted by folks and incorporated them into the show which in turn really pissed of the ‘fans’ making the comments in the first place. They talk about toxicity, the glass ceiling and a lot of serious topics in a fun and engaging way.

Not the most intellectual shows but is a lot of fun and you should check it out if you haven’t.

Vampire Academy

Its an interesting show based on a book series with a significant fan following. I haven’t read it yet and will prob do that once the show is over. I like the concept, the characters are interesting and believable and the storyline is engrossing. Not very gory like True Blood and very little nudity and sex. (Fans of Game of Thrones/True Blood will be disappointed)

Check it out if you like Vampire shows.

House of the Dragon

I did not like this spin-off just as I didn’t enjoy GoT. I barely got through half the first episode and stopped watching. The show is not my cup of tea even though it has a fantastic cast.

Well this is all for now. Will post more later.

– Suramya

Saw this on Twitter earlier this week and I was flabbergasted to know that people have such high/strong opinions about high-fiving. This person is a strong believer in the fiction that children should be seen and not heard. Some of what he says I do agree with, such as “Children should not call parents by their first names” and “Should not be allowed to watch certain movies that their parents watch”, but the rest of it is nonsense. Before we start with the critique, you should first read the op-ed in question and then we can proceed.

The whole article is a mess but I especially love the way he explains his objections to his son when their grandkid (5 years old at the time) didn’t understand why they wouldn’t high-five them. The answer given was “I don’t expect him to understand and I am not going to explain it to him”. When the son responded saying that they don’t understand either, instead of explaining the logic the response given was “I am not going to explain myself to you either”. This is not the response you expect from someone who is sure of why they are doing something, this is the answer you get from someone who thinks they are always right and anyone not agreeing with them is wrong. Basically the typical strong/alpha man response where any sign of affection or love was a sign of weakness. The best way to get someone to understand why you are doing something is to explain it to them, decree’s like this are not the way and sure as hell don’t make you loved or liked.

Lets step back a bit to look at the meaning of High Five, according to Cambridge Dictionary it is a “greeting or an expression of admiration in which two people each raise a hand above their shoulder and bring the fronts of their hands together with force”. Every other definition that I have been able to find is similar and no where does it say that the people have to be at the same age, equality, gender, economical status. Of course practically speaking, I am not going to go high five a random grandmother or someone walking on the road. But there have been instances where this has happened and is appropriate. For example, if a big win happens or something worth celebrating (such as a rocket launch, or a sports win, or massive sales) everyone will be celebrating it and you will have random people high fiving and giving hugs to celebrate. It is normal behavior.

Another reason to high five someone is to encourage them and acknowledge their work, especially a kid. It is a way to make them know that people around them are proud of them and this doesn’t have to be for major tasks. Sometimes it is the acknowledgement from small achievements that stays with you the longest. If a five year old is taught to set the table for visitors and they do it well, a simple high five will let them know that their work was appreciated or if they managed to recite their alphabets correctly for the first time they need to be supported, celebrated and encouraged. A high five is a simple easy way of doing that…

Your relationship with your kid is not the same as the one you have with your boss. Treating both the same way is a recipe for disaster. You can celebrate the small wins , be approachable but still maintain discipline. I know I don’t have kids so there is a limit to how much I know about raising kids. However, I am the self appointed cool mama who gets to teach the kids about cool stuff I find and while the kids will come to me with any questions they have no disrespect is tolerated.

Interestingly, this view is a minority view and folks across the internet are speaking up against this. As per a 2015 study by researchers at Notre Dame, it was found that “parental soothing, constant physical presence with plenty of affectionate touch and playful interactions with caregivers are vital to a child’s wellbeing as an adult. Without parent touch, play and support, the research says children have “poorer mental health, more distress in social situations and are less able to take another’s point of view.”. Giving a high-five is a simple tactile way of showing the approval and love.

When questioned about the negative response to his op-ed, John’s response was blunt, condescending and dismissive stating:

“The reaction was also HUGELY negative, and I still stand my anti-high-five position. ”

“The majority of respondents failed miserably at countering my opinion with intelligent opinion of their own; rather, they engaged in ad hominem, which is the refuge of the inarticulate. I’m perfectly willing to engage in intelligent discourse on the subject. Unfortunately, I have yet to find any,”

The way John wants to raise their kids and grandkids is how the old British folks used to do, where any love or affection shown was a sign of weakness. Personally I think that is a miserable way to live. I much rather have folks show their love and regard honestly. I still give my parents, relatives a hug when I meet them. For some I touch their feet, for others I try to lift them up (or now more frequently they try to lift me). We all know our place and the relations are bound with love and mutual respect rather than obligation.

Well this is all for now. Will post more later.

– Suramya